By John Ballard
I'm updating the Norway massacre narrative elsewhere, but this well-written but rather long piece is worth a separate post. I found the link at #UT�A
I cannot say enough good about Google Translate. We live in a time when it is easy to take such resources for granted but I never will. This account is a heartbreaking story and there are places in this translation that become particularly powerful, not only because of the original content, but the irresistable dramatic poetry of Google's translation.
Norwegian to English translation
I woke up. I can not sleep more. I'm sitting in the living room. Feeling grief, anger, happiness, God, I do not know what. There are too many emotions. There are too many thoughts. I'm afraid. I react to the slightest sound. I will write about what happened on Ut�What my eyes saw, what I felt, what I did. The words come straight from the liver, but I would also anonymize many names out of respect for my friends.
We had a crisis meeting in the main building after the explosions in Oslo. After that there was a meeting for members of Akershus and Oslo. After the meetings were many, many people around and in the main building. We consoled ourselves that we were safe on an island. No one knew that hell would break out with us too.
I stood in the main time when panic broke out. I heard shots. I saw him shoot. All started to run. The first thought was: "Why shoot the police on us? What the hell? "I ran into the little room. People ran. Screamed. I was scared. I managed to get into one of the rooms at the back of the building. We were many in there. We lay on the floor all together. We heard several shots. Were more afraid. I cried. I knew nothing. I saw my best friend through the window and wondered if I should go out and bring him to me. I did not. I saw fear in his eyes. We were lying on the floor inside the room for a few minutes. We agreed not to release more in case the killer came. We heard several shots and decided to jump out the window. Panic broke out among us. All in the room rushed to the window and tried to jump out. I was the last and thought: "I am the last to jump out the window. Now I'm dying. I'm sure, but it might be okay, then I know that the others are safe. "I kasket my bag out the window. Tried to managed down, but lost her grip. I landed hard on the left part of the body. A boy helped me up. We ran into the woods. I looked around. "Is he here? Shoot him for me? Viewing him myself? "A girl had a broken ankle. Another was severely injured. I tried to help a little bit before I went down to the water. I sought cover behind a sort of brick wall. We were many. I prayed, prayed, prayed. I hope that God saw me. I called Mom and said that it was not safe we ??would meet again, but that I would do anything to clear me. I said several times that I loved her. I heard fear in her voice. She cried. It hurt. I sent a text message to my dad, told him I loved him. I sent a text message to another person I am very, very happy in. We were a little contact. I sent a text message to my best friend. He did not answer. We heard several shots. Snuggled together. Did everything we could to keep warm. There were so many thoughts. I was so scared. My dad called me. I cried, said I loved him. He said he was going with my brother to take me welcome when I come across to the mainland, or they came to the island. There were so many emotions. So many thoughts. I told everything I could. It took some time. The other called parents eventually started all texting for fear that the killer would hear us. I thought of my sister who's away. How I would tell her how it went? What happened to me. I updated on Twitter and Facebook that I was still alive and that I was "safe." I wrote that I was waiting for the police. People jumped into the water, started swimming. I was lying. I decided that if he did, I would play dead. I would not run or swim. I can not describe the fear, all your mind, what I felt.
A one came. "I'm from the police." I was lying. Some shouted back that he had to prove it. I do not remember exactly what he said, but the killer started shooting. He charged. Extension more. He shot those around me. I was lying. I think: "Now it's over. He's here. He takes me. Now I'm dying. "People screamed. I heard that others were shot. Others jumped into the water. I was there. The mobile phone in hand. I lay on top of the legs of a girl. Thurs the 2nd was on top of my leg. I was lying. The insert in text messages. The mobile phone rang several times. I was lying. I played dead. I lay there for at least an hour. It was completely quiet. I gently turned her head to see if I could see someone live. I looked like. I saw blood. Fear. I decided to get up. I had been lying on top of a dead body. Thurs like lying to me. I had a guardian angel.
I did not know if he would come back again. I had not the courage to look at all those who had called and texted me. I hurried down to the water. I took off my sweater. It was great. I thought it would be difficult to swim to me. I considered whether I should bring my cell phone or leave it again. I put it in his back pocket and jumped into the water. I saw several others in the water. They had swum far. I saw that someone had gathered around a floating luftb�or something like that. There were many who picked up those who swam out. I swam, swam, and swam towards the air thing. I screamed. Weep. Was cool. I thought of when I would drown. It was heavier and heavier. I asked. I continued. Was tired arms. Decided to turn my back and just use your legs to swim on. I sank. I started to swim normally again. A little while I thought they had gathered around the air boat began to move away. I screamed. Begged them to wait for me. I must have seen visions. I swam at least a few hundred meters before I arrived. We talked a little together. Did what we called, where we came from. When the boats passed us shouting for help, but they picked up the others just swam first. A man in a boat came to us. He threw out several life jackets. I got hold of one. Got it on me. I held on to the small air boat a long time until the same man came back to pick us up. All got into it. He began to run towards the shore. After a while it started small his boat to take in some water. I did everything I could to get the most water out. I used a bucket. I was exhausted. Another girl in the boat took over. We came to the country. We got blankets. Tears pressed on. I cried more. A woman hugged me. It was so good. I wept aloud. I sobbed. A man lent me his phone. I called my dad, "I live. I did it. Now I am safe. "I hung up. Cry more. We had to walk a bit. Completely unknown people took us into their cars and drove us to Sundvollen hotel. I ran in to see if I could see my best friend. I saw him at any place. I saw a friend. I cried loudly. We hugged each other for long. It was good. I walked around, looking for friends. My heart pounded. I cried more. I signed up with the police, then through all the lists. I did not know about my best friend lived. I looked through all the lists. I could not find his name anywhere. I was scared. I got a duvet. I took off my wet socks. I was half naked. Got a jacket. I tried to dial a bit. Contacted my parents again. My dad and brother were on their way to fetch me. I drank some cocoa. I sat down. Thought. Weep. So many friends. Hugged them. Weep. I borrowed a computer. Updated the Facebook and Twitter again that I was safe. I was at the hotel for several hours before my family came. I looked for familiar. I talked to a priest. I told all I had seen. It was a good call. A man from the Red Cross saw all my wounds. Cleanse them. Time passed. I was with some of my friends. All talked about the same. How we survived. What had happened. I asked several if they had seen my best friend. No one had seen him. I was scared. I thought that it was my fault because we had not managed to stay together. A friend got the key to a hotel room. We sat there, looked at the news. There was anger, sorrow, so many emotions. My dad called, they had come. I took the elevator down. Run out to them. Hugged my brother and my dad a long time. I wept aloud. My brother was crying too. It was a good moment. I saw a boy who looked like my best friend. I shouted his name. He turned around. It was him. We hugged each other for long. Both crying, we asked each other how we had managed. After a while, I registered myself and we drove home. Someone else sat in with us. My best friend was with me. His brother had come to me with his best friend. There were several who had gathered at my home. They would not go home until they had seen that I was fine. We talked a little bit. I drank a juice Gladden. Ate a yogurt. Talked some more with my mom and my family. I called my best friend. It was a good call. She said: "I was not sure if I would ever get this phone." Tears pressed on. We talked a little bit. After that I lay. It was three. Mom refused to let me sleep alone, so we slept together.
There have been several hours since all this happened. I'm still in shock. Everything has not fallen into. I have seen the corpses of my friends. Several of my friends are missing. I am glad that I can swim. I am glad that I live. For that God watched over me. There are so many emotions, so many thoughts. I think of all the relatives. In all I lost. In the hell that is and was on the island. This summer's most beautiful fairy tale is transformed into Norway's worst nightmare.
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?Here is another account from a different camper via Google+
The worst day of my life | Khamshajiny Gunaratnam
I'm still in shock. Just got home. We were driven here by Prableen's father, from Sundvollen hotel.
I'm actually still in shock. I can't force out a single tear. I can't believe it: today I was almost killed. Hunted and killed.
What can I say? The last normal thought I had in my mind was about a student organisation in the AUF. I had just been at a political workshop (that's why we were at Ut�and was on my way up to the AUF-shop where I was on duty.
A good friend came and told me about the explosion in Oslo. Sick! The government buildings and Young's Square?! Obviously, many people were worried. The mood wasn't good, to put it lightly. Many thought this was the worst moment of this year's trip Ut�but there was more to come. I had a lump in my throat. The biggest I'd ever had.
We were first called to a meeting by the leaders, so that everyone would get the same (correct) information. The meeting was useful and went well. Most managed to get in touch with their family members in Oslo and got to check that everyone was alive.
It took me a long time to get in touch with any of my family! When I finally got confirmation that three of them weren't in Oslo, and the other was working far from the center of the city, only then could I breathe. Really. I then went back to the AUF-shop.
The General Secretary, Helen Brenna, came over and talked to me. She thought I might need someone to talk to. Then we heard shots from down the hill. 'Who the hell is that?' we wondered.
Suddenly, I see all the guys on duty run up and tell us to "hide, run into the main building." I ran into the toilet next to the AUF-shop. The shots came closer. I was very sure this was a 'joke', but you can never really be sure, as today demonstrated. Those seconds in the toilet were absolute hell. Slowly but surely, I managed to put my mobile phone on silent and put it somewhere where I wouldn't lose it. I took my bag off and put it on the floor. Only when I finally heard voices that I recognised, did I come out.
But it wasn't over. We had to run behind the NATO room (as it's called) down towards the corner, then to the right of the pier. We fell and stumbled a lot as we made our way through lots of bushes and over large rocks. I hurt myself a lot. When we got there, there were about 15 - 20 of us, I think? I was stressed out. Matti held me and calmed me down.
We ran and ran. The worst bit was when we found out that the man that was shooting - he was dressed as a police officer. Fuck.
Who were we meant to trust now? If we rang the police, would it be the gunman that came to 'check' on us?
But we tried anyway! It was taking a hell of a long time, so I gave my phone to Munir and asked him to update Facebook to ask anyone with a boat in the area to help us.
We ran back and forth when the shooting started to get closer. Then Matti said we had to swim. But how was I meant to manage that, to swim so far, all the way to the mainland?
Trond Agnar suddenly appeared. He said many had tried to swim, but had turned back because it was too cold, too far and simply too difficult. But you know what? I'd rather drown than be shot. Sorry. I took off my shirt, and with encouragement from Matti, I started to swim. I was still too heavy, so I had to take off my pants, too. It was ice cold.
I swam. Matti saved me. He said and did all the right things. He got me to swim, SO far. When we had covered a reasonable distance, Matti said "Kamzy, don't look back now. You have to look straight ahead, at the country side, and think of it as your goal."
"OK," I said. We heard shots the whole time and I'm still surprised that neither Matti or I got hit.
(I found out later that the gunman was standing there. That was why Matti told me to look straight ahead, to not look back. He was standing right where we had been hiding. My god! And he tried to shoot us. We were hunted.)
But I swam. Then some boats came to save us. One boat threw us lifejackets and then had to drive on. The next boat came and grabbed us. Even when we had made it into the boat, I couldn't relax. There wasn't a "yes, we're saved!" feeling. He could still hit us with his machine gun! I sat down right on the floor of the boat. I didn't feel safe. Not at all.
Some of the local residents helped us when we arrived. They gave us towels and drove us to the petrol station where the police and medics were waiting. I was in shock. I couldn't force myself to cry a single tear. Had what had happened not hit me?
Suganthan came up to me with my cellphone and was sorry that it didn't work anymore. Dear Sugathan, I'm just glad you're alive!
Anniken Huitfeldt rang and spoke to me. I do not know whose phone it was, just a girl who came over and said that Anniken wanted to talk. I asked her, "Why the hell had the police taken so long?!" She agreed with sentiment and tried to reassure me, to ask me what had happened.
A really nice girl who worked there got us clothes and hot drinks. I also called my Dad. I'm glad that he handled me a little more gently, even if he was worried sick!
And then we had to move on. Everyone needed to go to Sundvollen hotel. There, we had to assemble and register our names.
We were among the first to arrive. We watched as others arrived, one after the other, bawling their eyes out, screaming. I understand how they felt, very well. I just couldn't understand, and still don't understand, why I couldn't cry, not even a single tear. I want to get out of this state of shock. I want out of here. I sat with Prableen and made my way home to my Dad, who was waiting for me.
But I'm still in shock. Who does something like this? Blows up key buildings in Oslo and kills future Labour politicians who are on summer camp at Ut�What have we done to deserve this?!
Those who resort to violence, have run out of arguments. How could he do what he did to my AUF friends? This seems so surreal. I don't get it. I do not understand.
I recommend that everyone watches Jens Stoltenberg and Knut Storberget's press conference:
�No one will bomb us into silence. No one will shoot us into silence� � says Jens Stoltenberg and I couldn't agree with him more.
But my first thoughts go out to all the victims and their family members. Now is the time to look after each other. Cheer each other up. Comfort each other. Show the best characteristics we have, the part of us that makes us human.
But I'm still in shock. And that's why I'm writing this post. I cannot bear to tell the story over and over again. What happened to me was over quickly. But the fear that was there the whole time... I can't describe it, can't put it into words. We're also continuously hearing who was shot, etc. I've left that out of my post. To write about it would be disrespectful to their families. They deserve better.
We don't deserve to die. That's also why I write this post. We are just normal teenagers. We're engaged in politics, to make the world a better place. I missed the part where we became the bad guys.
My thoughts are with all those who were on Ut�oday.
I truly hope everything works itself out. You deserve better.
It was important for me to get this out. It is important.
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